When I was recovering from mental illness, I still had an overwhelming and heavy feeling of being behind in life. I spent so much time wondering what I did wrong when I should have been asking myself, “Why do I feel this way?” Comparing myself to others was a dangerous and damaging game, and in the end I was the only one left behind in life.Rest and reflection on life’s delaysMy birthday is approaching; It’s actually a week away and for some reasonthis birthday always drives me crazy.
The passage of time has always frightened me and every birthday I ask myself, “Why didn’t I move forward?”I love social media. I believe that true and good things come from there. But its use also brings with it undeniable disadvantages. When I browse thesite, I see people my age and younger smiling at a “sold” sign, holding a baby on their hip, accepting an award for their work, or cutting a wedding cake.
Long after I hang up the phone, I ask myself, “Where are your results?” Why are you late in life?Why do I feel so behind in life compared to others?Sometimes my biggest accomplishment of the day is getting out of bed or taking a walk around the neighborhood. I’ve never run a marathon. I don’t have a family of my own and my job title doesn’t start with “Senior.”My life had some obstacles.
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When I was at the height of a long depressive episode and suffering from undiagnosed attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, I let things slide. A good example is the post office. I received thebill and it sat in a pile of mail for months. After all, many of my school loans were several months past due. It was terrible for my credibility, but I didn’tseem to care enough to do anything about it.It’s hard to plan for the future when you can’t imagine it. When life seems hopeless, it seems pointless to open an account, let alone set goals.
I was living day by day and at that point it was the best I could do.The Dangers of Believing You Are Behind in LifeComparing myself to others has never produced positive results but has always made me feel like I’m behind in life. It made me feel weak, untalented, and undisciplined, and I am none of those things.
But what can I feel when I feed off the highlights of other people’s lives?I finished eight books this year, but that doesn’t matter because my friend finished twelve books. I tried a few new fitness classes. Great, but my colleague was racing. I found an apartment that I like. That’s great, but an old classmate just bought a house.
I felt like nothing I did was good enough. But good enough for who, for everyone? I realized that I didn’t even want some of the things my colleagues were doing. I slowly accepted the fact that the only person I had to be “good enough” for was myself.Everyone has difficulties, but people with mental illness have it even moredifficult.
At times in my life it has been difficult to work, maintain relationships, go to the gym, and even get out of bed. I did what I could. And the most important thing is that this is my best result and not someone else’s. In the end, that’s all that matters.
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